a million little pieces

--james frey

{summary}
"AA states that alcoholics and addicts must recognize that they are powerless against their addictions. Alcoholism is a disease that can no more be cured by willpower than can cancer. James, however, refuses to accept the idea that he must surrender. He believes that he chose to become an addict and that he deserves to suffer the consequences of those addictions. The idea of surrendering control over his life to any system of belief is unbearable to James. Rather, he continues to place the responsibility for his addictions squarely on his own shoulders, and to believe that he can beat this addiction by refusing to be powerless to it."
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{remarks}
i believe a lot of james theories on addiction to be true. I think addiction starts out as a vice, or an escape mechanism that eventually crosses over into an addiction. when it is all said and done, the genetic excuse is what it is, an excuse. like james states, genetics can link almost anything. to me, it is a way to pass the blame for your behavior. by saying i was pre-programed, or pre-wired for addiction is just another way to avoid responsibility for your actions. there is always a chose in my mind to do, or not to do.

i have watched addiction control and destroy a majority of my family members, including my mother. pity is not the word i use to describe how i now feel for them. anger, resentment, distrust is a better fit. like most people that are affected by an addict, a shell begins to forms around your feelings for that person--to the point that you no longer feel much of anything.

{rating}
1 out of 3

{excerpts}
"how long does this last? sophie smiles and asks her if she's referring to addiction. the woman nods and says yes. sophie says addiction lasts a lifetime. it lasts a lifetime. from there the questions start to flow. how does it feel to be addicted to something. horrible. why does it feel that way. because we know what we're doing to ourselves and what we're doing to you and we can't stop doing it. what does it feel like when you want it. need, overwhelming need, uncontrollable need, unimaginable need. what does it feel like when you get it. relief, followed by horror, followed by more need. why can't you stop. i don't know."

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

"if you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. if your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy. be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are. when you realize you have all you need, the World belongs to you."

"the soft will overcome the hard. the slow will beat the fast. don't tell people the way just show them the results."

"if you understand that all things change constantly, there is nothing you will hold on to, all things change."

"trying to control the future is like trying to take the place of the Master Carpenter's tools, chances are that you'll cut your hand."

"i read it and it feeds me. it lets me see what my life is in simple terms, it simply is what it is, and i can deal with my life on those terms. it is not complicated unless i make it so. it is not difficult unless i allow it to be."