vanishing acts

--jodi picoult

{summary}
"What happens when you learn you are not who you thought you were? When the people you've loved and trusted suddenly change before your eyes? When getting your deepest wish means giving up what you've always taken for granted? Vanishing Acts explores how life -- as we know it -- might not turn out the way we imagined. Delia Hopkins has led a charmed life. Raised in rural New Hampshire by her widowed father, Andrew, she now has a young daughter, a handsome fiancé, and her own search-and-rescue bloodhound, which she uses to find missing persons. But as Delia plans her wedding, she is plagued by flashbacks of a life she can't recall. And then a policeman knocks on her door, revealing a secret that changes the world as she knows it."
http://www.bookbrowse.com

{remarks}
like most of picoult's books, this was an enjoyable read. the ending had just a slight twist, but i found it not as shocking as most of her book endings. my favorite parts consisted more of the jail scenes with andrew, or the childhood memories that she refers back too.

i have always wondered what the story is behind the faces on the missing children posters pinned in the vestibules at Wal-Mart; especially about the ones that are abducted by parents. what is their story? why did they do it? i am sure not everything is always black and white in these situations. this book is an excellent example of just one of those stories.

{rating}
2 out of 3

{excerpts}
sometimes parents don't find what they're looking for in their child, so they plant seeds for what they'd like to grow there instead. i've witnessed this with the former hockey player who takes his son out to skate before he can even walk. or in the mother who gave up her ballet dreams when she married, but now scrapes her daughter's hair into a bun and watches from the wings of the stage. we are not, as you'd expect, orchestrating their lives; we are not even trying for a second chance. we're hoping that if this one thing takes root, it might take up enough light and space to keep something else from developing in our children: the disappointment we've already lived. there

is a saying sometimes chanted at AA meetings: fake it until you make it.

i've done it before. i can do it again. twenty-eight years is a long time to think about why i loved you, and it's not for the reasons i first assumed: because you swam in the space below my heart; or because you stanched the youth i was bleeding out daily; or because on day you might take care of me when i couldn't take care of myself. love is not an equation, as your father once wanted me to believe. it's not a contract, and it's not a happy ending. it is the slate under the chalk and the ground buildings rise from and the oxygen in the air. it is the place i come back to, no matter where i've been headed. i loved you, bethany, because you were the one relationship i never had to earn. you arrived in this world loving me more, even when i did not deserve it

delia would say it's just another piece of useless information i'm storing. maybe, but i also know that she reads the last page of a book before she decides to read the first. i know that she likes the smell of new crayons. that she can whistle through her figures and detests curry and has never had a cavity. life is not a plot; it's in the details.

you know what love is, ladies and gentlemen? he asks. it's not doing whatever the person you care for expects of you. it's doing what they don't expect. it's going above and beyond what you've been asked.

--other jodi picoult books i have enjoyed:

• Nineteen Minutes
• The Pact
• My Sisters Keeper (way before it became a movie)
• Handle With Care
• Plain Truth
• Salem Falls
  

a million little pieces

--james frey

{summary}
"AA states that alcoholics and addicts must recognize that they are powerless against their addictions. Alcoholism is a disease that can no more be cured by willpower than can cancer. James, however, refuses to accept the idea that he must surrender. He believes that he chose to become an addict and that he deserves to suffer the consequences of those addictions. The idea of surrendering control over his life to any system of belief is unbearable to James. Rather, he continues to place the responsibility for his addictions squarely on his own shoulders, and to believe that he can beat this addiction by refusing to be powerless to it."
www.bookrags.com

{remarks}
i believe a lot of james theories on addiction to be true. I think addiction starts out as a vice, or an escape mechanism that eventually crosses over into an addiction. when it is all said and done, the genetic excuse is what it is, an excuse. like james states, genetics can link almost anything. to me, it is a way to pass the blame for your behavior. by saying i was pre-programed, or pre-wired for addiction is just another way to avoid responsibility for your actions. there is always a chose in my mind to do, or not to do.

i have watched addiction control and destroy a majority of my family members, including my mother. pity is not the word i use to describe how i now feel for them. anger, resentment, distrust is a better fit. like most people that are affected by an addict, a shell begins to forms around your feelings for that person--to the point that you no longer feel much of anything.

{rating}
1 out of 3

{excerpts}
"how long does this last? sophie smiles and asks her if she's referring to addiction. the woman nods and says yes. sophie says addiction lasts a lifetime. it lasts a lifetime. from there the questions start to flow. how does it feel to be addicted to something. horrible. why does it feel that way. because we know what we're doing to ourselves and what we're doing to you and we can't stop doing it. what does it feel like when you want it. need, overwhelming need, uncontrollable need, unimaginable need. what does it feel like when you get it. relief, followed by horror, followed by more need. why can't you stop. i don't know."

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

"if you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. if your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy. be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are. when you realize you have all you need, the World belongs to you."

"the soft will overcome the hard. the slow will beat the fast. don't tell people the way just show them the results."

"if you understand that all things change constantly, there is nothing you will hold on to, all things change."

"trying to control the future is like trying to take the place of the Master Carpenter's tools, chances are that you'll cut your hand."

"i read it and it feeds me. it lets me see what my life is in simple terms, it simply is what it is, and i can deal with my life on those terms. it is not complicated unless i make it so. it is not difficult unless i allow it to be."